


Till the End of the Earth (Tyrus One Shot)

by green_lemonboys



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a sad ending ish, Cyrus is a space boy, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, TJ is a plant boy, can i make it anymore obvious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 12:42:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19229380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/green_lemonboys/pseuds/green_lemonboys
Summary: Cyrus has had his head up in space ever since he was a child, wanting nothing more than to explore the stars.TJ fell in love with plants like they were family, and he is very content to keep his feet firmly on the ground.





	Till the End of the Earth (Tyrus One Shot)

**Author's Note:**

> this is an au so information isn't accurate completely

_The universe is observed to be 13.8 billion years old has been expanding since its formation in the Big Bang._

Space has revolved around Cyrus’ head since he was a child, the fluorescent, glow-in-the-dark stars stuck hastily on his ceiling providing fuel to his dream every night for many, many years. His mom read him stories about the moon, her words a comforting lullaby.

When he closed his eyes, Cyrus would dream his bed would turn into a spaceship, one with giant windows, and a control panel of just a button and a lever, and Cyrus would smile, pushing the lever forward, propelling him into the stars. He would float off his bed, the lack of gravity making his stomach get that tingly feeling he loved, the one he only got when he was really having fun with his friends. He would fly past Saturn, steering his spaceship around the rings, racing any cosmic being his imagination could conjure. He would eventually sit on the perimeter of the atmosphere of Pluto, hugging his teddy bear, squinting and trying to spot earth.

(He couldn’t. Pluto was 4.6 billion miles away. Even if he combined his binoculars with his telescope, it was only a hazy blue dot.)

Eventually, as he saw the Earth turn about its axis, he would push the lever forward, edging towards Earth, towards the Northern Hemisphere, towards USA, nearer to Shadyside, to his bedroom window. And he would land peacefully, wrapping his blanket tight around himself after his mission.

But sometimes, he would fly to the stars, and fall on the moon. Those days were special, when he never wanted to come back down to Earth. If it were up to him, he never would.

There was nothing Cyrus wanted more than to explore space. Nothing he wanted more.

*

_The flower of the titan arum (Amorphophallus titanium) is the largest unbranched flower in the world and can reach up to 15 feet tall._

In more ways than one, TJ was a boy of the Earth. He loved his feet digging in the dirt, the mud getting stuck in his fingernails. One of his favourite spots in the park was the patch of grass beside the flower bed, where his mom would sit as he ran around the playground.

His mother is the one who introduced him to gardening and nurtured his love of nature and plants. It’s something they bonded over, her patient and endearing smile as she guided his hands, showing him the right way. Their inside jokes, their quiet laughter, their quiet understanding of each other. When he was out in their small garden with his mom, planting and tending to flowers and plants of all hues and sizes, his mind was still, and nothing could bother him.

After his mother had passed away, however, he couldn’t bear to look at the flowers, the plants, the garden. For a long time, he would ask his father to take him out the back door, just to avoid walking past them. How could he, knowing that the flowers were too bright, too vibrant for what his world had become. So, the weeks went by, marching on as they did, and bit by bit, the flowers and plants began to wilt.

One day, many weeks later, TJ was huffing, rubbing his eyes after a bad day in school. _Whoever said 5 th grade was easy was stupid_, he thought as he trudged home. Unaware of his surrounding, he walked in through the front gate, but paused, his eye catching onto something.

The flowers.

They were still hanging on, because TJ’s father had been watering them regularly. But most were wilting, their drooping petals browning on the edges. Because no one had been giving them the specific care they needed.

TJ felt a tear roll down his cheek, and he hastily wiped it away. But he made a decision. As soon as he walked into the house, he dumped his bag in his room, grabbed the gardening supplies his mother used to always meticulously lay out, and headed outside.

Feeling the dirt under his fingers, the smell of the flowers and leaves, it all just came back to TJ as he let out a small sigh, letting the tears roll down. And as he went on, TJ realised that as long as he kept loving and taking care of the plants…

His mother was not far away from him.

*

_Our galaxy will collide with Andromeda Galaxy in about 5 billion years. Some astronomers refer to our two galaxies as a binary system of giant spirals._

Cyrus was walking back home, taking a shortcut through the park. He was clutching his notebook full of drawings and writing close to him, along with some library books, his bag slung over his shoulder. He walked fast, keeping his eyes trained to the ground. He wasn’t trying to run away from anything, but 2 hours out in the real world was more than enough for him and now he just wanted to go home.

As he rounded the corner to the main sidewalk, however, someone walked into him, and Cyrus dropped all his things on the ground, something he noted with a defeated sigh as he bent down to pick everything up.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I should have seen where I was going,” the voice above him said, and Cyrus looked up to see a boy with blonde hair and green eyes, looking down at him, clearly apologetic.

“It’s okay,” Cyrus mumbled quietly, gathering some scattered papers. But soon, he saw a pair of hands helping him, the boy gathering them and holding them out to Cyrus.

“No, let me help. Least I could do, right?” he said quietly, chuckling. Cyrus smiled gratefully, taking the papers from him. In doing so, their fingers brushed slightly, and Cyrus could feel his heart beat faster than normal. _What was that about?_

“Thanks,” Cyrus said with a smile, standing up, the boy following. He was looking at him with a bashful but curious smile, scratching the back of his neck. Cyrus looked up at him, but dropped his eyes down to his shoes, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Eventually, the boy pointed at one of his library books.

“So, ‘From Outer Space’, huh? A fan of space I take it?” he asked, a small smile on his face.

Cyrus smiled, holding the book up slightly. “I have a slight obsession I guess.”

The other boy laughed, nodding. “You know a lot about it then?”

“I like to think so,” Cyrus replied.

“Well, could you tell me a fact?”

“What kind? Specific planet or…?”

“Any kind. Only if you want to by the way,” TJ said, holding out his hands.

“It’s okay, just give me a minute,” Cyrus said, laughing softly as he thought for a minute. Latching onto something, he looked up, with his classic smirk and twinkle in his eyes that was only saved for when he gushed about his love for nebulas and quasars.

“The edge of our solar system is not Pluto,” he said, smiling at the way the boy’s eyebrows furrowed, clearly confused.

“Wait, what? You’re joking, right?”

“Nope,” Cyrus said, popping the ‘p’. For some reason, he was finding the boy’s confused face extremely endearing, and it the butterflies in his stomach go wild. “The edge of the solar system is actually something called the Oort Cloud, but it’s so far away, that even if our diagrams were in the scale they are, it wouldn’t be close to the paper.”

“Whoa,” the boy said, a smile spreading onto his face. “Learn something new everyday,” he said, scratching his ear. “Thanks for telling me that. I have to admit, I’m more into things ON Earth, but space is pretty fascinating.”

“Yeah, it is,” Cyrus said. “Wait, what does ‘things on Earth’ mean?”

“Oh, I like, plants and stuff.”

“Oh! Well, since I gave you a free space fact, I think a fair trade would be a fact about plants,” Cyrus said, throwing in a wink involuntarily. Something that happened to make the other boy extremely flustered, as his face went red, his eyes trained to the ground as he smiled.

“Well,” the boy said, thinking for a minute, looking up. “A sunflower looks like one large flower, but each head is composed of hundreds of tiny flowers called florets, which ripen to become the seeds.”

“What?! No way!”

“Yup,” the boy said with a smirk. Cyrus smiled back at him, amazed. They boy laughed a bit, but looked down at his watch, and his face dropped. “I should, I should probably get going. Sorry again,” he said with an apologetic smile as he turned to walk in the opposite direction.

“Wait!” Cyrus called out, suddenly realising something. “I never said, I’m Cyrus Goodman.”

“Oh yeah,” he said softly, with a short laugh. “Hi, Cyrus Goodman. I’m TJ Kippen.”

TJ Kippen, the boy who knew facts about plants, someone Cyrus would probably never see again.

*

_Scientists discovered the world’s oldest flower in 2002, in northeast China. The flower, named Archaefructus sinensis, bloomed around 125 million years ago and resembles a water lily._

5 years later, and many us and downs later, Cyrus was sitting on his bed, refreshing his email constantly. TJ was lying down at the foot of the bed, tossing a small blue ball up and down as he stared at the ceiling. Cyrus was staring worriedly at his laptop screen, and TJ eventually stopped throwing the ball and sat up, looking at Cyrus.

“Cy, you shouldn’t stare at it so much. A watching pot never boils,” he said, and Cyrus just threw him an unimpressed look.

“I’m sure that isn’t the saying, and plus. The letters are due any day now, and I, I just, I’m scared,” he said, sighing as he set aside the laptop, causing TJ to smile sympathetically. He pushed himself up and made his way to sit beside Cyrus, grabbing his hand and squeezing it.

“It’ll all work out, Cy. I believe in you,” TJ said softly, a comforting smile on his face.

Cyrus smiled gratefully, aware of how his breath hitched at the miniscule space between them. His gaze flicked down TJ’s face, but he brought it back up almost immediately. The soft lighting of his bedroom illuminating TJ’s face in a soft orange glow was not helping Cyrus’ case. It wasn’t any secret at this point how he felt about TJ. And it wasn’t like he thought TJ would hate him. Only last year, they had come out to each other, whispered confessions over a bed in the dead of night, the only sound being their mutual happy tears. But, that didn’t stop his silent puzzle of whether TJ felt the same. So, Cyrus had made an albeit stupid promise to himself. That if he got into Harvard for engineering and astrophysics, he would tell TJ how he felt. But if he didn’t, he’d keep quiet, but continue to remain TJ’s friend. Because whatever their relationship, TJ was incredibly important to Cyrus.

Just as these thoughts raced through Cyrus’ head, he heard a ‘ding’ from his laptop. He snapped out of his daze, suddenly aware of the way he had leaned in towards TJ. He immediately jumped back, grabbing his laptop to distract from the way his cheeks were undoubtedly tinged red.

“Oh God, it’s the school,” Cyrus said, the panic building in his voice. TJ placed a hand on his shoulder, grounding him slightly.

“Breathe, Cy,” he whispered, and Cyrus took a deep breath, steadying himself. _Here goes nothing,_ h thought, clicking on the email.

The world was silent for a few moments, as Cyrus’ eyes ran through the email. But soon, the air was filled with surprised and ecstatic gasps.

“I got in!” Cyrus yelled, turning to look at TJ, who beamed back at him. “I actually got in!”

“Cyrus I’m so proud of you!” TJ yelled, pulling Cyrus in for a tight hug. “I knew you’d do it,” he said softly, holding on tight. Cyrus closed his eyes, revelling in the feeling of being in TJ’s arms. As they pulled away, smiles still on their faces, Cyrus noted for the second time that day, the lack of distance between their faces. But this time, it seemed like TJ was also aware of this, his hand still loosely placed on Cyrus’ shoulder, his smile fading away, as his eyes flicked down.

He couldn’t hold it back anymore. Cyrus moved his hand behind TJ’s neck, leaning forward and pressing their lips together, unsure of what was propelling him forward. But as soon as he realised what he had done, he pulled away, horrified.

“Oh, oh my god, I’m so sorry TJ I, I wasn’t thinking. I just, there’s this stupid thing I said to myself, but I shouldn’t have done that, I,” Cyrus began rambling, but before he could continue, he was cut off by TJ pulling him forward and kissing him back. Cyrus was shocked, but wrapped his arms around TJ’s neck, holding him close. _So this is what it felt like._

When they pulled away, Cyrus felt slightly giddy, resting his forehead against TJ’s as he let out a small sigh, slightly out off breath.

“I’ve been waiting for that,” TJ whispered, laughing softly. Cyrus smiled, looking at TJ.

“You aren’t the only one.”

*

_The space between galaxies is not completely empty but has an average of one atom per cubic meter._

College was rough, pushing Cyrus to the absolute limit. There were many days where he just wanted to give up, mostly when he was up past 3 am, running on 7 espresso shots, trying to cram information in his brain. But then, he would just look at the posters he had gotten from his house, and shift his eyes down slightly to TJ’s sleeping form on the bed, and he’d smile softly, his hope slightly reinvigorated. TJ was studying botany at a nearby university, and both of them had moved in together after both their first years in college. And Cyrus couldn’t be happier for it, because without TJ, he didn’t know if he would have gotten through university. And he knew TJ felt the same way, and he showed it in the way he would massage Cyrus’ head after a particularly stressful day, he would always make extra coffee for the days before Cyrus’ exams, and how he would leave encouraging post-it notes when he needed motivation. So, when Cyrus walked across the stage at his graduations for both his bachelor’s and master’s degrees, he kept his head high, knowing his family and his boyfriend were in the crowd, cheering for him and supporting him.

One day, a couple years after college had ended, and Cyrus had desperately been applying to programs, whilst maintaining a steady job at a downtown coffee shop, TJ heard a shriek form the other side of the apartment.

“TJ!

Cyrus was shouting from the other side of their apartment, and he ran in with his laptop, somehow deftly avoiding their couch. “I got in! I have been accepted into the space exploration training program!”

“Cyrus! That’s amazing! That’s always been your dream!” TJ exclaimed, crushing his boyfriend in a hug, expressing his happiness as much as he could.

Cyrus kissed TJ in excitement and said, “I can’t believe it. I’m gonna be in the program. I may go to space.”

“Not may, you definitely will. I believe in you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Cyrus’ face suddenly fell slightly and he started walking away.

“Hey, wait what happened?” TJ asked, concerned. “Muffin,” he said, lifting Cyrus’ chin, “Is everything okay?”

“If I go, training lasts a few months. Then, if they need me for missions, I’ll be gone for months, if not years, at a time. I can’t leave you for that long,” Cyrus said, his voice cracking and eyes brimming with tears.

“Hey Cy, no listen. Don’t worry about me, okay? This has always been your dream, and I don’t want you to even consider giving it up for me. Ever,” TJ replied, cupping his cheek, trying to comfort him. He pressed a kiss to his forehead. “I’ll be here for you whenever you go and return. Always.”

*

_Moon flowers bloom only at night, closing during the day._

The first time Cyrus had to leave for general training, both of them were in tears, Cyrus holding TJ as tight as he could. Even though it was just training, it would still last for about 8 months.

“I’ll see you in a bit,” Cyrus said with a tearful smile, throwing his bag over his shoulder as he left.

The first 2 months were hell for TJ, and he didn’t leave the house, the phone always on, his laptop always open for any information from the agency. Buffy and Andi, friends Cyrus had made in university, kept coming over, trying to get TJ to leave the house. They never succeeded, but they did end up getting to know each other very well. Buffy and TJ both discovered they had a penchant for competitiveness and basketball, something that they agreed to challenge each other on soon. And Andi was just a lovely person who made TJ bracelets and other knick knacks for around the house to try and cheer him up.

“You know, you should think about getting a job,” Buffy said one day, as she walked about the living room, tutting at the mess TJ had left. “Also seriously, do you ever clean up around here?”

“Hey, I’ll have you know, this mess is very much organised,” TJ said, crossing his arms. “Plus, I don’t know, Driscoll. Are there any available jobs out there?”

“Well you never know unless you walk out there and see,” she said, patting him sympathetically on the shoulder as she left. “Just think about it, Kippen. It could help.”

After she had gone, TJ sighed, picking himself up off the couch and headed over to the growing mini garden on the balcony. As he went to work trimming and watering them, TJ thought about Cyrus. What could he be doing? Probably has that smile on his face, that one of wonder and pure joy when he learns more about something he loves.

He also thought about what Buffy said, about getting a job. It was true that he needed to leave. So, after he had finished tending to his plants, he changed into decent clothes, put on his shoes and walked down the streets,  taking in the sights and sounds.

It was a beautiful day, but TJ was keeping his eyes peeled for any ‘Hiring’ signs. As he walked down the street, he noticed a beautiful nursery, full of vibrant and diverse varieties of flowers. Immediately drawn to it, TJ’s feet led him right to the entrance where, by the best stroke of luck possible, there was a ‘Hiring’ sign.

Maybe getting a job wouldn’t be so bad.

*

_Jupiter's moon Io has towering volcanic eruptions._

“I missed you from the moon to back” Cyrus mumbled into TJ’s neck, his body completely wrapped around TJ.

“Oh God Cy, seriously did you have to make that pun?” TJ groaned, attempting to push Cyrus off him in protest.

“Yes, and you love me for it.”

“I don’t know why I do, honestly. I shouldn’t encourage this.”

“Just kiss me already,” Cyrus said, pulling TJ to him and kissing him with all the emotion he could muster to make up for the past 8 months.

“I missed you too, Cyrus. So much,” TJ said, in between kisses. “But a lot has happened while you were gone.”

“Really? Like what?” Cyrus asked, moving them to the couch where he sat down next to TJ.

“Well, I got a job. At a nursery! By the way, you have to meet Marty, my boss. He is an absolute dumbass.”

“Look forward to meeting him!” Cyrus said with a laugh. “Anything else?”

“Nothing really. Oh, I bought more plants, so nothing new there. And Andi and Buffy have been visiting regularly, so I got them to help me out. You’ll be getting angry texts from them about my living situations soon.

Cyrus looked at TJ and felt so proud that he was doing so much and didn’t just sit waiting for Cyrus. Not that it would be bad, but Cyrus knew TJ. He had to be doing something or else he would slip into a listless state that Cyrus had only seen once, but he hated.

“But what about you, Cy? How was training and everything?”

“It was amazing. I’ve learnt so many things and seeing how things work has been incredible. But, I do have a mission assigned to me now.”

“Cyrus, that’s fantastic! I’m so proud of you.”

“But don’t worry. I have to leave for mission-specific training after 4 months only. But...” Cyrus trailed off, unsure.

“But what Cyrus? How long is the mission?” TJ asked, shifting closer to Cyrus on their couch.

“Around 5 months. It’s just a surveillance task, but that means-”

“Cyrus, remember what I told you? Don’t worry about that okay?”

“Yeah, I know. But thanks,” Cyrus smiled at TJ, unable to understand how he managed to find someone so perfect for him.

“Anyway,” TJ said with a soft smile, pressing a kiss to Cyrus’ cheek. “What do you wanna do now that you’re home?”

Cyrus smiled, resting his head on his hand. “Anything. As long as its with you.”

*

_All parts of the_ [ _oleander_ ](https://www.bhg.com/gardening/plant-dictionary/shrub/oleander/) _(Nerium oleander), a beautiful Mediterranean-native flowering shrub, are poisonous._

They settled into a type of routine as the years went by. Cyrus would leave for missions that lasted around a year including training and actual space travel. And when he came home, he and TJ would relax for a week in pajamas, catching up on every trashy movie possible that had released on Netflix while Cyrus had been gone.

TJ continued to work at the nursery, thoroughly enjoying using his knowledge of plants in a way to help other people. He also began hanging out with Marty and his boyfriend Jonah, outside of work, finding that they were really compatible as friends. Sometimes Buffy and Andi would join them, and the five of them would go  out frequently, having a ton of fun. He was grateful for all of them, as it gave him a reason to leave the house while Cyrus was among the stars. Plants and friends and Cyrus became his life, and TJ was more than happy with it.

Cyrus had always loved space, but being in a spaceship, doing work exploring the system and working with the backdrop of the planets, made him love for space overflow. Amidst the great nothingness and the infinite expanse, Cyrus felt at home. There was only place he’d want to be as much as there, at home with TJ. That was the only thing that could compare to the beauty of the great beyond of outer space.

TJ missed Cyrus when he went away, obviously, but he also appreciated the alone time he would get. It allowed for him to connect with plants and nature alone, and it reminded him a lot of his mother, who he know had a habit of speaking to through the plants. He told her everything, about Cyrus, his new friends, his job, his worries. He liked this peaceful time of what felt like reflection.. Besides, whenever Cyrus came home, they clung and stuck to each other, so he liked having the space to himself for some time. And he knew Cyrus felt the same. He knew that Cyrus also appreciated the time he got alone among the planets, head filled with stardust. But of course, he also knew Cyrus missed him greatly, evident from how he wrapped himself around TJ whenever he would return from missions. A little alone time was not a bad thing.

As the years went on, the missions got more frequent. Earlier, when they would have a comfortable spacing of at least 5 to 6 months in between, nowadays, they would be lucky to get 3 or 4 months. And, it was left unspoken between them as they were thankful for any time they got to spend together, but inevitably there would come the day when the mission would last incredibly long, and they wouldn’t see each other for years. TJ didn’t want to think about that day, preferring to just bask in the feeling of Cyrus being near him when he came home.

But he was starting to get frustrated. And he hated himself for feeling that. But he was. Cyrus’ breaks were getting lesser and lesser, and the missions were getting longer. He tried to hide his frustration as best as he could, behind soft smiles and kisses at night in the middle of movies, because it was Cyrus’ dream. And he was achieving what he had always wanted. So TJ would support him, despite his emotions. Besides, nothing would stop their established comeback routine.

Which reminded TJ, as he snapped out of his thoughts to the beep of the oven. Cyrus would be home in about an hour and TJ was excited and relieved. It had been a gruelling 14 months, and all he wanted to do was kiss his boyfriend and spend the next few hours in bed, watching movies and kissing and cuddling.

TJ cleaned up the apartment as best as he could, and set the table, and waited for Cyrus to come home.

After 2 hours, he was still waiting. And waiting. No sign of Cyrus. TJ’s brain started supplying unhelpful worries, feeding into his doubt and fears. Where could he be? He wasn’t picking up any of his calls. Where was he?

After waiting for some more time, TJ just decided to retire to bed, leaving the now-cold spaghetti on the table. Just then, he heard the doorbell. Rushing and almost falling down the stairs, TJ opened the door and there he stood. Cyrus.

TJ tackled him in a bone-crushing hug, but pulled away in annoyance, whisper-yelling, “Where were you? I was so worried! I thought something had happened!”

“I’m fine, TJ. Nothing happened,” Cyrus said, flinching slightly at TJ’s tone. “You didn’t need to wait up for me.”

“Of course I did! I made us dinner and everything. If you want, I can heat it up, though I don’t guarantee its flavour.”

“I already ate.”

For some reason, those words cut TJ in a way he couldn’t have imagined. “Oh. What did you have?”

“Pizza. I went out with the guys from the mission for some catching up.”

Cyrus clearly couldn’t see how that hurt TJ more. _Why did it hurt? He was allowed to have other friends._

“But we always have dinner together when you come back, Cyrus. That’s like, tradition.” TJ needed to get it together, his emotions were about to betray him.

“I just wanted to hang out with the guys, TJ. We can have dinner tomorrow,” Cyrus sounded nonchalant, like what he was saying wasn’t sending TJ’s head into a whirlwind or emotions he couldn’t understand.

TJ just turned away and walked into the living room, plopping himself down on the couch, hoping that if not dinner, they could keep their tradition of movies and cuddles and kissing. “You up for some Noah Centineo? The plot’s the exact same as always but this time, there’s crime involved,” TJ said with a hopeful smile, picking up the remote.

“You go ahead, I’m feeling sleepy TJ. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Cyrus yawned out, walking into the bedroom. No goodnight kiss either.

After Cyrus was safely in their bedroom, TJ let the tears fall. He broke down, crying more than he did the first day Cyrus had left. He felt stupid for crying too. He was obviously overthinking everything. That’s what he did. Cyrus was absolutely allowed to hang out with whoever he wanted to after he returned, and it was great he was getting along with his coworkers. But TJ couldn’t help but feel sidelined. Cyrus had just abandoned their plans with no warning, and he hadn’t even told TJ he was going for dinner.

TJ was confused. And hurt. But mostly confused. But he couldn’t tell Cyrus that he felt this way. He had just come home. He didn’t want to make it unpleasant for him. But he knew that as soon as he would see Cyrus he would want to scream it to his face, say that he was hurt. TJ couldn’t risk that. No no. He wouldn’t. He would just try and avoid Cyrus as much as possible. Say he had go to work. Yes, that would work. Besides, chances were based on that night, that Cyrus wouldn’t mind much if TJ were out of his way.

TJ, all out of tears and exhaustion haunting his bones, just lay down on the couch, trying to hide his overthinking brain.

But apparently, avoiding Cyrus was harder than it appeared. TJ woke up early in an attempt to make coffee and breakfast for himself so he could leave for work before Cyrus woke up. The day just after his returns, Cyrus could sleep till almost 3 pm straight. However, as was TJ’s luck, Cyrus was somehow awake and waiting for TJ with two cups of steaming coffee.

Cyrus didn’t look like he had slept very well at all, which was surprising because those missions were exhausting and draining. He slept like a zombie at home. But his face lit up as soon as TJ walked in, making TJ feel guilty for the promise he had made himself at night.

“Good morning,” Cyrus said, wrapping his arm around TJ’s neck and pulling him in for a sweet kiss. “You didn’t come to bed last night,” his eyes dropping on saying that.

“Sorry, I fell asleep on the couch. Super tired,” TJ said, trying to make it seem believable. “How come you’re awake so early?”

“Feeling awake now. Plus, I wanted to see you. Maybe, we can go to the cinema today? My treat! I heard there is this new film that everyone is saying is good,” Cyrus said, smiling as he turned to make breakfast.

 “Cyrus, I have work today. So I can’t,” TJ said, avoiding eye contact with him. Cyrus furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head in confusion.

“You don’t normally have work the week I’m back?”

“Yeah, but Marty needed some extra help and asked me.”

“Then cancel it,” Cyrus said, kissing TJ, wrapping his arms around his neck. _No he couldn’t do this._ “Tell her you’re sick.”

“I can’t do that, Cyrus. I’ll be back in the evening, okay?” TJ said, pulling away and walking out the door, leaving the house as fast as he could. Cyrus was shocked, and felt as if he had been slapped across the face. _Why was TJ acting that way?_ _He wasn’t himself since last night_.

Cyrus walked into the living room with his coffee, sinking into the couch. _He had cancelled dinner without telling him, and he had gone to bed earlier. Maybe that was what had upset him_? But Cyrus sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, remembering that he had an important reason. But he didn’t know what was going on.

TJ ran as fast as he could to the nursery, where he couldn’t see Marty anywhere in sight. But Buffy was there, walking around, and as soon as she saw TJ, she narrowed her eyes..

“TJ? What are you doing here? It’s your week off,” she asked, surprised at seeing TJ looking dishevelled.

“Yeah, but I can work, don’t worry, so I’ll just find Marty and tell him,” TJ said, trying to pass off his unusual presence as normal. But Buffy, stuck her hand out in front of him.

“Marty has gone to pick up some things, so he called in a favour. But I don’t believe you,” she said, walking up to him, face written with concern. “Something happened. What is it?”

TJ sighed, knowing that if anyone would know what to do, it would probably be Buffy Driscoll, even if it meant swallowing his pride about their little playful ‘feud’.

“Cyrus came home last night. And we have a tradition of spending the first night only with each other, me making dinner and with movies, and stuff. But he came home much later, saying that he went to dinner with the guys from the mission and he went immediately to bed. Now, I’m not saying Cyrus can’t meet his friends, I’m super happy that he is getting along with them. But, for some reason all these really hurt me? All of a sudden, our traditions were broken, and he didn’t even seem to care. But I can’t tell him this stuff. I don’t wanna ruin the break for him. But if I see him, I can’t trust myself to hide it from him, so…”

“So you are here at work trying to avoid him, aren’t you?”

TJ simply nodded.

Buffy took a pensive breath and said, “TJ, you can’t not tell him and you certainly can’t keep avoiding him. That’ll ruin his break more. Listen,” She grabbed TJ’s hands and continued, “Cyrus loves you. So much. You have to tell him this stuff, maybe he has a reason for it. Even if he doesn’t, you should tell him. You can’t hide from him, TJ. Please don’t.”

TJ looked up at Buffy and sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “You’re right. I have to tell him. But how?”

She smiled, saying, “Just tell him. He’ll listen.” She patted him on the shoulder, but then, an evil grin spread over her face. “So, this meant you needed my help, right?”

“Bye Buffy!” TJ yelled, rolling his eyes as he walked away, Buffy laughing as he left.

Cyrus was waiting for him when TJ got home, his eyes red with tears. That sight alone broke TJ’s heart, knowing that he had caused that.

“I’m sorry, Cyrus. I shouldn’t have just left. But I needed to think about something-”

“Do you still love me, TJ?”

That caught TJ off-guard. “Of- Of course I do, Cyrus. Why would you ask that?”

“You left so suddenly. Like you are trying to avoid me.”

TJ sighed. “Cyrus, that’s not your fault. It’s me.”

“What does that mean TJ? How is it not my fault?”

“Because yesterday, I should have been happy for you that you were having fun with your coworkers at dinner, but I was sad. I was acting stupid because you didn’t come home to me like you always do, and that shouldn’t affect me like that. But it did, I felt sidelined and hurt, and I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you. And now, I have.”

TJ sat down on the couch, frustrated at himself. He almost didn’t hear Cyrus sit beside him.

“I’m sorry, I know I missed dinner, and I know I walked away from you. I just, I couldn’t face you…”

“Why not?” TJ asked, turning to Cyrus in confusion.

“I got another mission offer.”

“Cy, that’s great news! Why couldn’t you face me after this?”

“Because I have to leave in 3 weeks if I accept.”

TJ felt all the air leave his lungs. He was shocked into silence. He looked at Cyrus and saw his eyes were glistening with tears.

Cyrus grabbed his arm and continued, “That isn’t it TJ. The mission,” he hesitated, looking up at the ceiling before turning back to TJ. “It doesn’t have an end date.”

“What?” TJ whispered, his voice choked, unable to believe what he had just heard.

“They don’t know when I will be able to come back. It could be any time after 4 years, could be 7 or even 10. Because I’m exploring new planets,” Cyrus said, tearfully in a broken voice.

TJ was lost for words. _10 years. He wouldn’t live. He couldn’t live_. Tears rolled down his cheeks against his will.

Cyrus leaned his head on TJ’s shoulder, his tears wetting TJ’s shirt as they both sat in silence around their collapsing world.

Finally, TJ cleared his voice and said, “Cyrus, this has always been your dream. You should-”

“No,” Cyrus almost shouted, shaking his head violently. “I can’t leave you that long.”

“Cyrus, you can’t sacrifice your dream for just me!”

“BUT YOU’RE NOT JUST TJ TO ME!” Cyrus shouted, standing up. He walked to the other side of the room, hiding his head in his hands. Then, he turned back to TJ. “Do you know, when I’m up in space, there is only one thing I can think of that is as amazing as being there?”

“Cyrus…” TJ started, getting up too, his cheeks wet with tears. But Cyrus didn’t hear him.

“It’s being with you, TJ! Because, all my life since I’ve known you, I love who I am with you! And, as much as I love space, I can’t just leave you,” Cyrus cried, his voice breaking as he sniffed. “I can’t.”

“Cyrus,” TJ said quietly, walking over to Cyrus and cupping his cheeks. “I love you so much, and believe me, I do love life here, but it is a thousand times better when you’re home with me. But,” he said, looking down. “I can’t let you give up on your dreams for me. I can’t do that to you, Cy. Because I don’t want you to regret it.”

Cyrus was silent, tears streaming down his face as he looked up at TJ. “You don’t know when I’ll be back. It could be never.”

“That won’t stop me from loving you, Cy,” TJ said, pulling Cyrus in for a tearful kiss.

And he knew it was true.

*

_Because the fault scarps are relatively small, scientists are sure that they weren't created that long ago and that Mercury is still contracting 4.5 billion years after the solar system was formed._

Those three weeks were a rollercoaster. Cyrus and TJ spent as much of their time together as they could. Things were as normal as they could have been. Neither spoke about the mission looming on the horizon, but it hung over their heads like a sword dangling on a thread, and it followed them wherever they went. Their friends were well aware of the situation, but they never talked about it outright, just exchanged glances every now and then.

The weeks passed by too quick for their liking, and soon enough, Cyrus was packing up his things, and looking around the apartment, mentally saying goodbye to everything. He was to leave the next afternoon, and TJ was trying desperately to keep it together, to be strong for Cyrus. He could break after he was gone.

TJ set down the plate of lasagne before Cyrus, leaning in to give him a kiss before setting his plate down. He was smiling, but anyone could see that it didn’t reach his eyes. They ate dinner in relative silence, unusual for them. But neither could think of anything to say.

Finally, after he had finished his dinner, Cyrus looked up at TJ. “I got you something.”

“Oh?” TJ said with his mouth full, making Cyrus laugh as he walked over to the door where there was a brown paper bag. He pulled out a pot, and TJ gasped quietly.

“Pink carnation,” he said softly, gingerly holding the pot.

“I asked Marty for some help, and he told me that pink carnation means…”

“I’ll never forget you,” TJ whispered, looking up at Cyrus as tears filled his eyes. He walked over to the balcony and placed the pot on the higher shelf.

“Thank you, Cy,” TJ said, leaning in to kiss him. Cyrus kissed back, letting the tears fall, but he pulled away.

“We need to talk about this, Teej,” he said, and TJ nodded sadly, walking over to the couch.

“I love you,” Cyrus started. “So so much. And I am so lucky that I found someone like you.”

“But,” TJ said, squeezing his eyes shut, predicting Cyrus’ next words. Cyrus just sighed.

“I will be gone for who knows how long. And, it isn’t fair to just have you here waiting for me,” he said, sniffing. He looked up to see TJ’s reaction, and he was just nodding along.

“So, you want to break up?” TJ whispered.

Cyrus held his breath, unsure of what to answer. “Well, not exactly. Or, yes, I don’t know,” he muttered, hiding his head in his hands. “But it isn’t fair to just leave you waiting for what could possibly be forever.”

TJ looked up at Cyrus. “I love you, Cyrus.”

“I love you too, TJ.”

“So, what happens now?” he asked, getting up. Cyrus followed him, grabbing his hands.

“Well, we will always be very good friends. And whenever I come back, if we are meant to be more, the universe will let us know.”

After Cyrus had left, most traces of him gone from the apartment, it was like the first time he had left. TJ was broken, but he pushed himself to go to work. His friends noticed this, and immediately did small things here and there to remind him that he wasn’t alone, he had people. And he appreciated them. So, he was able to get through, inch by inch.

He had to get a smaller apartment, the rent too much for just him. So, it was just him in a small, cramped apartment, in a building with an interesting mix of neighbours. But he made it work. And every night, he would look up at the sky, at the stars, and talk. A small part of him hoped Cyrus was hearing him, but he knew he couldn’t. But it helped, knowing he was out there. And things seemed to be getting back on track.

Until it wasn’t.

It had been 4 years, and TJ was just returning from the nursery, having to manage it for a while as Marty and Jonah were on their honeymoon. He was walking into his house, laden with grocery bags, when his phone rang. He unceremoniously dumped everything into his kitchen, and looked at the Caller ID, surprised to see the name of Cyrus’ agency staring back at him. _Could he be coming home?_

“Hello?”

“Mr Kippen? Partner of Mr Goodman?”

“Speaking?”

“We’re very sorry sir, but there has been an accident…”

*

_The lotus was considered a sacred flower by ancient Egyptians and was used in burial rituals. This flower blooms in rivers and damp wetlands, but may lie dormant for years during times of drought, only to rise again with the return of water._

This was worse than when Cyrus had left for the first time.

Because all the times Cyrus left, and TJ broke down, he new he was coming back, he knew he’d be back home in his arms. But now, it wasn’t true. He wouldn’t be back. He would never be back. Never never never.

He became a ghost of himself, moving from work, to home, empty. His friends were worried about him, and Marty desperately tried to convince him to take time off, but TJ just brushed it aside. He couldn’t not work. Besides, plants were the only thing keeping him tethered to reality.

Plants plants plants. TJ surrounded himself with them, throwing himself into his work at the nursery and then at home, tending furiously to them, hoping to feel better.

_This worked before. Why isn’t it working now? Why why why???_

Eventually, a couple smashed pots and a broken phone call to Andi later, TJ was crying onto her shoulder, finally letting loose all the emotions he had been keeping bottled up inside for more than a year. She just sat beside him, holding him and whispering words of encouragement as she rubbed comforting circles on his back.

It was what he needed, and bit by bit, he began to pick up the shattered fragments. Nothing would be completely okay, but it got close enough for him to be able to have a picture of him and Cyrus beside his bed without spiralling.

And, a few years after that, he met someone. He had been at a bar, just stopping by for a quick drink before heading home, when he accidentally bumped into Dylan, a cute, brown-haired astrophysics professor. _Clearly, he had a type._ Dylan had been waiting for someone who had never showed up but, as he went on to keep saying, he couldn’t have thanked the person more.

TJ enjoyed being with Dylan, and eventually let himself fall in love with him, deciding not to let fear rule over him anymore. And Dylan was more than understanding of TJ’s situation, smiling and encouraging every time the topic of ‘Cyrus Goodman’ came up.

“I know you will always love him, and I wouldn’t tell you not to,” is what Dylan would say with a smile and a reassuring kiss. And TJ would smile back appreciatively.

It was night time, on a relatively ordinary day. TJ was pouring a glass of wine for him and Dylan, when Dylan came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder.

“What is it, babe? I’m just,” TJ said as he turned around, his voice trailing off as he saw Dylan on one knee before him, holding out a ring.

“TJ,” Dylan started. “The day I met you, I was ready to never trust another person again. But then, you waltzed into my life. And I have never been happier. And I knew from the moment I first kissed you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So, I wanted to ask you. Will you marry me?”

TJ stood there, frozen. A million thoughts ran through his mind, but he couldn’t say anything. But his chest felt stuffed.

“Can I have a moment?” he mumbled, and Dylan nodded, completely understanding, as TJ ran out onto the balcony, shutting the door behind him.

Out in the cold night air, he took a deep breath, and walked over to the pillar on his balcony, and he hugged it, looking up at the sky.

“Hey Cyrus,” he said softly, smiling. “It’s, uh. It’s been a while. Sorry about that. I don’t know if you can hear me, but, I wanted to talk to you.”

TJ took a deep breath. “So, I met someone. Brunette, obsessed with space, so clearly there’s a pattern here,” he said, laughing. “Anyway, we’ve been going out for a couple years and, and I really like him. But now, he’s, um, he’s asked me to marry him,” he said with a sigh. “And this is big, Cy. It’s huge. And, and I think I know my answer.”

TJ looked at the ground, feeling his words getting choked up. “But, for me to give him my answer, I need to do something hard. I need to let you go. For real.”

TJ sniffed, wiping his nose. “You’re so important to me, Cy. But, I need to let you go, or else, I don’t know, I’ll never really let myself be really happy. You’re okay with that, right? If I let you go?”

Just then, a gust of wind hit TJ and he smiled. “Wow, that was quick,” he said with a sad laugh. But he looked up. “I’ll always love you, and I still have your carnations so, that means something.”

He pushed himself off the pillar, and rested a hand on the handle of the door. He looked back up at the stars, twinkling up in space, one last time before going in. “Goodbye, Cyrus.”

He pushed open the door, and Dylan was there, sitting on the couch, a small smile on his face.

“So?”

TJ took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.

“Yes.”

 


End file.
